Welcome to the Circus

Slice and dice,

We’re playing Tic-Tac-Toe on your skin.

Flip the knife and flash that smile,

And pray to God you don’t miss the apple on my head.

The lion growls and the crowd gasps

As he sticks his head in between the beast’s jaws.

Spinning, dancing, and soaring through the air,

Our eyes meet as I catch you.

Dark and handsome,

He sticks a sword down his throat.

Tiny the Elephant toots his horn

And balances on the ball.

“Freaks!” the ringmaster shouts in the din.  “Come see the freaks!”

Elsie the Two-Headed Telepath takes center stage

With Oscar the Albino and Jenny the Bearded Woman by her side.

They may be official

But we’re all weirdos here.

Welcome to the circus.

Copyright © 2017 by Nita Pan

All rights reserved. This post or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

 

Welcome to Chi-Town!

Despite the threat of a horrid downpour, my mother and I defied the weather and went to Chicago.  The train ride there was relaxing and nap-inducing.  The countryside changed into urban, and fellow passengers filled the nearly empty train as we approached our destination.  Once we got off at Millennium Station, we got a little lost in the station.  Finally, we emerged from the darkened train station and into the sunlight, the loud, bustling city greeted me.  Cars, buses, and taxis stopped and started, horns blaring.  People from all over scampered to and fro and the scent of food, gasoline, and asphalt filled my nose.  I hadn’t properly been in the city in a decade and there was so much to take in.  So much potential.  So many people.  So much life.

Our first stop was the American Writers Museum.  It was only a few minutes away from the station, so it wasn’t long until we went up a snazzy elevator and went about exploring it.  The first exhibit was a kids’ room, it had a few neat exhibits of children’s authors.  After that, it opened up to a huge room filled with dozens of pictures of American authors.  There was a timeline from the time of Christopher Columbus to the 1980s, and, throughout the timeline, there were the authors under it.  With each author there was several paragraphs about their lives and their works.  On the second wall, there were panels with information of influential works in American history and who they were by.  There was a green room and a ‘reader’s room’ which talked about early magazines, comics, and bookstores.  Off of the reader’s room was a section where you could write the start of a story on a typewriter and someone else would continue it.  Further in that room was several activities where you could come up with a story with randomized words, learn about important pieces of literature and why they matter, and an area that introduced several native Chicago writers.  My mom and I raided their free bookmark area in the gift shop and got a couple postcards and magnets.

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On the way to our second stop, we passed a Nutella-themed restaurant, crossed a street in a pack (that’s a big thing for someone raised in a small town), and ended up eating lunch at Giordano’s.  We both got the Individual 6″ Pepperoni Stuffed Deep Dish Pizza (from the Lunch Pronto section) with a salad and a drink.  It.  Was.  Extraordinary.  Even though what we ordered was premade, the dough light, sauce and pepperoni balanced, and the cheese oh so gooey.  I fully recommend going to Giordano’s if you haven’t gone before.  I can’t look at pizza the same again.  It spoiled me.

At the second stop, After-Words New and Used Books, we browsed through the two air conditioned, well-kept floors.  The staff was accommodating and the books were in good shape, but I wasn’t able to decide what to get and I needed to use the bathroom, so we ended up getting a lone postcard.

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All in all, I had an amazing day.  I’m still in shock that I haven’t gone sooner and that we actually went.  If you’re in the area or are on vacation, plan a visit to Chicago, Illinois.  The sights, the foods.  The atmosphere was busy and rejuvenating.  I doubt that it’s for everyone but I adored it.  Not only did I get a ton of story ideas but I saw several lookalikes for my book characters and a couple celebrities.  The Windy City has certainly earned a place in my heart, and I’m hoping to be able to go back and make a weekend of it in the foreseeable future.

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Paper

Your edges are yellowing

You’re ripping under pressure

You’re balled up with every mistake

Your ink is smeared

Your lines have blurred

You’re becoming brittle

Copyright © 2017 by Nita Pan

All rights reserved.  This post or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

New Year, New Goals

As the holiday season whips past in a whirlwind of trips to relatives, last minute shopping, and more chaos than would seem possible, some of us (or, at least, just me) will be more than a little shocked that it’s almost a new year.  Crap.  Where did all the time go?  I haven’t completed all of my goals for 2016.  I still have so much to do to get ready for 2017-

This is where I force myself to stop, step away, and take a breather.  Yes, I didn’t do every single thing I set out to do.  Yes, I’m woefully behind on more than I’d care to admit.  But I also did more than I would’ve thought possible.  I know, that’s a big statement and it’s 100% true.  I surpassed both physical and educational goals, and overcame a deeply personal barrier.  All in all, it has been a pretty darn successful year.

Of course, now that 2017 is in less than two days, I have a whole new set of writing goals.

January-March:

  • update this blog on a regular basis
  • continue/finish planning 5-book series
  • write a short story or novella

Depending on whether or not I finish planning the series and if I’m able to write the second in that time, April through June could either be spent A) writing the second book, or B) planning for the third.  Either way, my hope is to keep updating this blog as regularly as possible.

As of today, I don’t have any plans set in stone for the remaining six months of 2017.  But that’s liable to change as the year progresses.

Other goals I have are not limited to but include:

  • taking up piano
  • reading 100 books
  • biking on the weekends
  • managing money better
  • personalizing this blog more

Where this blog is concerned, I have a ton of ideas.  Collaborations, book reviews, and flash fiction  are just a few of the many things to come this way.

2015 was a year of set-up.

2016 has been a time of experimentation and finding out what works for me and this blog.

2017 will be the year of expansion.

I would also like to give a round of thanks to all my followers and fellow bloggers for making the past two year a wonderful experience.  Especially flawedsilence and femmedesfleurs.  I couldn’t have done it without your support and feedback.  It has been monstrously fun.

Faith

I’m down on my hands and scraping my knees.

I’ve made a mistake.

I’m praying to God and hoping that it’s not too late.

It would be great if He said something,

Anything at all.

Each time that I fall, I break.

Please, oh God.

I’m losing my faith.

Copyright © 2016 by Nita Pan

All rights reserved.  This post or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

Gnashing Teeth, Dancing Feet

Gnashing teeth, dancing feet,

And beauties all in a row.

Whispered jabs and practiced hands

Lead you away from what you know.

Red lace, tear stains,

And wine spills on the carpet.

Twisting lies and open thighs

Fan your better judgement.

Smiling faces, crumpled sheets,

And hands roaming each other’s bodies.

Heavenly sighs and mischievous eyes

Lure you to your demise.

Messy hair, abused lips,

And satisfaction is still wanted.

Tarnished innocence  and warped souls

Are all that are left behind.

Copyright © 2016 by Nita Pan

All rights reserved.  This post or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

Dear Love

Dear Love,

You hurt.  You make me cry.  You keep me up at night.  You shove me past the brink of no return.  You warm me.  You give me something to hold on to.  When I glimpse you, I never want to live life without you.

Your exquisite agony is something I’ve discovered that I can’t live without.

I don’t ever want to know what life would be like without you.  It’s pathetic, I know.  I’ve become so dependent on you.  This…  indescribable feeling you give me is better than any high.  You’ll probably end up shattering my heart.  But who knows?  You’ve given me hope for something more.

You’re my lifeline.

Please don’t snap.

– Nita Pan